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SEF_Magnus
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Name: Thomas
Country: United States
State: South Dakota
Metro: Aberdeen
Birthday: 3/28/1985
Gender: Male
Interests: computers, greek mythology, reggae, CEF, the legend of zelda, biking, alternative rock, the number 8, God, LOTR, 80's pop culture, counter-strike, classic literature, law & order, post-grunge, apologetics, the matrix, everything 80's, classic rock, Tolkien, everything classic, girls, punk rock, and the letter T
Expertise: My areas of expertise include cleaning, collating, eating, looking around, and driving like a madman.
I own no titles. I am no one to someone who doesn't know me. That is my downfall. I must be someone to everyone, but I just can't be... failure is not an option though.
Occupation: Operations
Industry: Media
Message: message meEmail: email me
AIM:  sefmagnus
MSN: snakeeyesgi@hotmail.com
Member Since:
3/9/2004
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| my blog about me.
Today I've got what it takes. Today I'm the man. But there are always those things that come back to you, especially at times like these, like when I'm driving, feeling like I'm really cool, listening to awesome music, weaving through traffic, making good time, not pissing anyone off, and if I do I don't care, and then I think back to when I drove that camaro into a stupid cement pole at the bank. It was so slow, so bright yellow, the pole actually wasn't even moving, and my car was going about 1.5 miles an hour. big dent. still feel dumb about that.
so today, I feel good about being a man and being in the army and being cool. even though in rehearsal today I dropped my rifle on my foot and then it hit my buddy horn in the back of the knee. At those times, you always feel like "uhhh, what do I do? what do I do?!" your hands jerk there to pick it up, then stop, then freeze, "stick it" they say, but then seconds later someone says "Pick it up, Banley" and at that moment I feel as though I should have known that and done it right away without anyone saying so... haha. Funny. I don't feel bad about that at all, but my foot does, for sure.
so anyway what I was saying... things come back to me at my strong points. It's like a tower you build inside a bubble, away from wind and rain and insurgents. why would you do such a thing? the only way you know you have a good base is if it can withstand an attack, by nature or by man. The tower is my resolve, the insurgent is my own humanness. Maybe it's been broken down a few times, but today I don't care about that. Today I'm all out. and I'm hungry so I'm going to eat. I don't even care about that stupid pt test on friday, I'm eating and not exercising all I want. or dont want. what have you.
I feel good about my decision. I feel bad about my failure. It doesn't stop me.
t
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| here I am in pittsburg. chillin at the hilton on the sixteenth floor, just ate at mcdonalds, dunkin donuts, AND an italian ristorante downtown a few blocks away for dessert -- the best dessert ever. The view is nice. Tomorrow we rehearse for the arrival of 20 some vips from other countries at the airport. I shall be either an umbrella bearer or door opener, depending on the weather. how do you spell pittsburgh?
since last time, I've been on about four missions, or five. two in one day. mostly umbrella bearer, not hard, usually don't have to do anything, literally. stand there for a minute or two, get told to leave, then go back to the bus and wait. relax. I have been involved in the cordon a few times -- stand on the steps to the pentagon at attention, present arms for some dignitary to walk inside. Then we walk away. looks cool. lots of pictures get taken. Lately I've been stressing out over my uniform. It's never quite right. for some reason they still put me on the mission. It's cool I guess. I'm starting school soon, taking a class or two online I think. that's what I'd like to do. Maybe test out of some classes, get some credits quick.
I can't see what's coming up anymore. I don't feel the way I used to. I feel like I'm losing sleep and losing myself lately. I just need time. I just need nothing. I need to meditate on something spectacular. I really just miss being on the stage. I don't care where it is, there's just something about that stage....
I know what you're thinking -- that can't be it. I can't believe it either, but it is. I'm in an unfamiliar place, my mind is buzzing with work, with school, with people. I can't focus, and I need to. I'm going to, right now.
t
ps my browser just crashed, restarted my pc, browser reloaded and the full text came back too. All this stuff i typed before this
really cool, maybe it's worth keeping firefox just for that amazing feat?
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| just a minute before typing this I was actually excited about something. It was that feeling of knowing God's personal side.... at least a small part of it, and not just through someone else, but ... spiritually. That's intense. when you sense something that's not of this world. i have a connection with God that is very directly personal.
cq
This is one of the many jobs I have to do. NCO's take turns being in charge of quarters for 24 hours straight. Every nco chooses a runner. Usually it's planned, but when first platoon decides "we don't have anyone scheduled, but it's our turn.... hey I know, let's have third platoon do it AGAIN! since we're lazy scumbags," there's not much I can do about it as a private. So I say "yes, sergeant" and go along. It's cool that I get corporal Peedin. He's a cool guy. They'll tell you the corporal rank is the least common of all ranks, and you'll never see em. Here, they're more common than my rank. Just as common as any other. I think it's because everyone needs to be ranked so fast that they need every rank slot they can get. There can only be so many of each rank in every battalion, or something, I don't know. Whatever the case, I'm getting promoted soon, to private second class. That's E2, one chevron, fyi.
Anyway, here I am, chillin at the desk. It's late, no more phone calls. Nothing left to do but sit around the rest of the night. There's really no difference in my behaviors between now and a year ago. Stay up all night, type, update accounts, read, etc... I found out someone's wireless internet password. so happy about that, otherwise it would be a long night. corporal said I could play his xbox but I don't really want to. That's freakin weird. I'd play if it were rock band 2.
Katie brought my guitar. I'm working on writing some songs. Some of the men mentioned playing as well, that we'd play together some time. psychobilly band, if I had an upright bass. Good luck to me on that. Fun, but I just bought a car. A jeep cherokee. It's superbad lookin, like it's ready to choke a badger.
Don't tell anyone here... I went to hershey park the other day. It was good fun, I was disappointed at first. We didn't even get to go to the hershey chocolate factory or whatever the heck it is. It's ok, reason to go back some day. I went on 300% more roller coasters than I ever have before. belgian waffle sundae = pretty good. a lot of chocolate = i didn't eat.
Lately I think of how God is trying desperately to relate to the men here. I see how He pulls at their hearts, and how they react. Sometimes it's good, sometimes it negative. Most of the time it's negative, that's how our world works. If they reach out, I want to be the one reaching back.
I saw "knowing" the other day too. Pretty intense movie. I recommend seeing it at least once. You can see it more if you'd like. It's a lot better than the amityville horror, but defintely not as good as signs. I'm settling in to life here. It's tough sometimes, it's lame sometimes, it's pretty awesome most of the time, like the food -- for some reason I like the food, it's not always that good, but when it is, I enjoy it. The dfac is a lot like a normal restaurant. It's a buffet that you only get one shot at. It's a gamble -- just how much time will you spend there, how much of what looks good will really BE good? The one bad part is that the pizza is never good. I hate when pizza isn't good. I enjoy most pizza, I enjoy a lot of pizza that others say is bad. So for this pizza to be bad to me.... you'd better just stay away from it, that's all.
I'm in the old guard. I do ceremonies. actually I haven't gone out on a single mission yet. still in training with my platoon. We practice firing drills, marching, tactical stuff. In basic training I qualified expert with a m4 = 39/40. A few weeks ago I qualified expert with a m16 = 37/40, this time I got nighttime qual, too = 28/40. Some of the men didn't even do that well during the day. I don't think it's anything too special, but it is cool. So if I ever find myself shooting baddies, you know I'll do well.
speaking of that, there's maybe a .5% chance I'll be deployed. This is due to E company being so busy all the time. So mama mama don't you cry
your little boy ain't gonna die
I used to date a beauty queen
now I date my m16
.....
sat me down in a silver chair
spun me round I had no hair
t
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| I think I'll update this with my latest adventures. I recently joined the army, went through basic training, went back home, stationed in washington, d.c. with the old guard, echo company -- they call this company the "true tabbers" because all the old guard wears an honor guard tab, but echo company is the real honor guard. So I've been here a week, and it's not bad. I'm just getting used to being here, working every day, being around more retards than I thought I'd ever have to see again. I thought after basic I was done with em. I thought being in the old guard meant you were smart. Not true. There are plenty of dumb fellas here. But some of them are bearable, and funny. You'd think they should all be top notch soldiers, clean cut, ice cold no mistakes, but no... I'm disappointed. They're just infantryman, with the honor of being the president's personal escort, among other things.
The platoon I'm in mainly does firing parties for the funerals. Other platoons do the marching, others carry the caskets, everyone does cordons and wreaths etc -- for the presidential affairs. That's when the soldiers line the streets and circle the podium and stuff like that. Pretty hooah stuff.
There's a woman I love. She's motivated me to be close to God, and she is an outstanding reason for me to be the man I am, and the man God is making me still. I just had to realize a few things about myself weren't quite right. And somewhere along the line I stepped into the role of a hero. A long time dream of mine is coming true. Look for me on cspan or cnn or something, I'll be the really really good looking one with an m14.
Some things you just don't know until you experience. You can say you know it without ever going through it, but you only know about it. More than some things, most things, almost everything, you have to experience personally to know. Like chess, and God's love, skydiving, a thousand screaming fans. Regret, hope, on and on, run ons, fragments, all that stuff.
What I'm saying is just that I'm glad to be alive, thankful for everything. Thankful for the soreness in my pecs, and my triceps. It won't go away no matter how much I stretch. Wow I suck sometimes.
It's okay though. It'll get better.
t
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| There was a sudden pang of sadness. Now it's gone. It's because my sister just gave me a hug, said "I love you" and left. Why would that make me sad? Why would that make sad anyone who was anywhere near this town, who had the possibility of coming in contact with her in any context?
No perfect answer. There never is.
I think it has something to do with leaving a city with some intention of coming back but not knowing what that is or even seeing that possibility. It has to do with leaving someone you love behind forever, never to return. It has to do with dying. It has everything to do with life.
I'm just sad I couldn't do more. I'm just sad I didn't lift a finger to do anything in these last days.
I had an aural experience, perhaps visual, audible, tangible. He said something about one person and another thing about another. The first and former were lost, and the last and latter were not yet there. And I take it as a challenge.
An audible challenge came to me, of which the bearer of this proposal was clueless. It has something to do with one thing being worth the sum of everything else and more. It has to do with giving and being blessed. It has everything to do with life and love and liberty. It has to do with adventure and risk.
One day I'll come to that bridge and cross it. And I may charge across with no thought as to what could be at the bottom, but every thought as to what is on the other side.... just like when I rushed the safe post that night we played ghosts in the graveyard (which turned into jews in the nazi death camp, or freedom fighters in saigon, or demon slayer.... I don't know). Whatever it was, I won the last one fair and square.
t
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